Sam and I have been renting a home; and the owner has decided to sell it. We were already looking for a place in Cedar Key; but now we have been nudged. And mostly we have been exhilarated by the nudge, excited about what comes next.
We are in the process of making a decision, trying to decide on a new home. We want to be responsible about weighing the options; but we also want to go with the flow, without pushing too hard to “make” something happen.
There are factors, like the location of Sam’s practice and horses (he’s an equine veterinarian) to consider. But mostly, I want to know that it FEELS right. I trust that. I believe our home should feel like US. As within, so without.
Now, just this morning as I was washing my face (this post will help me to articulate my thoughts), it occurred to me that if I’m not careful, I will let go of some of my freedom. What I mean by that is, if we buy something, I want it to be an investment that yields a favorable return. Well, duh. But wait, I don’t want to be invested in a particular outcome. I want to be free, comfortable with uncertainty, and able to follow love’s lead–whatever works for my highest good. We don’t always know what that looks like.
What I’m getting to is this: The “best” decision is one that I can feel good about, regardless of the outcome. When I do something because I want to get a particular outcome, I shortchange myself. When I do something because doing it, in and of itself, is the reward, I am on target. It’s what I truly wanted. It’s what I could feel good about regardless.
This is a truth I’ve known for years. I have found it to be poignant in relationships. For example, don’t prepare (or buy) dinner because you want him to appreciate you or reciprocate in some way. Do what you can do with your whole heart, what you were going to do anyway, what you want to do regardless of where it leads!
In this moment the truth is more clear to me as one that applies across the board. And I have an opportunity to practice it in an important and meaningful way.
If we do what we KNOW aligns with our authentic self, with love, with everything good, then we will be happy with our decision, regardless of the consequences. For me, that’s not the most practical decision. It is the one that I can feel passionate about, the one that gets me closer to the core of me, the one that requires courage and faith, the one that dictates expanding my comfort zone. I’m willing. I feel myself stretching–not pushing, but reaching.
And I am grateful for the nudge, all of the nudges that grace has provided over the years.
Photo: Art made by our dear friend Valerie Stemberger, supported by found driftwood on a favorite island.