FIVE AREAS OF INTIMACY to help you determine if you’re compatible, or have the BASIS for a satisfying relationship, adapted from the work of Michael Murphy, a psychologist at the University of Florida:
B-ehavioral
A-ffective
S-piritual
I-ntellectual
S-exual
Behavioral:
Do you like to do the same things? Do you have similar levels of motivation/energy?
Affective:
How much of yourself and your emotions can you put out there, and still feel safe and accepted?
Spiritual:
Do you have similar values and share a common sense of purpose?
Intellectual:
Can you have intellectually stimulating conversation, about more than one subject?
Sexual:
How connected do you feel sexually–even when you’re not having sex?
Even at a glance, these five areas of intimacy help you see why past romances flourished or fell flat and, probably, they point to some naivety or foolishness. You’re not stupid, though; you’re delightfully human. And oddly enough, humans don’t get much relationship training. AND, this assessment can’t be fully launched until everyday life kicks in! That could be all the reason you need to hold off on commitment. You can’t discover what your relationship really looks like while life revolves around goo-goo eyes and kissing! But it’s never too late to assess what you actually have; and that assessment, like getting to know each other, is an ongoing practice. <3 Jan Denise (an excerpt from my upcoming book, "Sex ... why we can't get enough, until we come home to love")