What do you want to be free of in your life? Your relationship?
Maybe the kids keep a lid on your sexuality, maybe HIS (or her) routine curbs your creativity, or maybe finances have reined in your generosity. Don’t let anything confine you. Freedom is essential to your joy; because it’s essential to being you!
I won’t tell you to throw the kids out, but change your perception of them; and give them an accurate perception of fun, loving, free you. You don’t have to disregard his routine, but neither do you have to make it yours. If you lose yourself, you’ll both be bored with you. And money has always been relative. When you are grateful for what you have, it becomes enough to share. You don’t need enough to impress people, or feed your ego, or conform.
You don’t have to join a health club to be fit or go to the doctor to be healthy. You don’t have to show up in a new car or even own a car to keep up with anybody else. As it turns out, the one thing you really want is what everybody else seems to be missing … freedom to just be. Imagine how much time — and money — you’d have for unabashed loving pleasure if you weren’t working to meet unspoken expectations! And imagine passing that example on.
The movie Penelope (2008, Summit Entertainment) paints a poignant picture of holding the keys to your own prison door. As a result of a curse, the heiress Penelope is born with a pig face. The only way for the curse to be broken is for one of her own kind to love her. So, her parents hide her from the Paparazzi (and the rest of the world) until she is old enough to be wed to a man of her social standing in order to break the curse. Potential husbands run from the castle in disgust … until finally Penelope finds herself at the altar about to say, “I do” to a man she doesn’t love. This time, Penelope is the one who runs away; and, alas, screams that she likes herself the way she is. With those words, the curse is broken.
You can live free. And you can do it in a castle or a tent, a bikini or a skirted one-piece, an executive office or a playground. Nobody else can really tell you what’s best for you. You must decide for yourself … and to do that, you must be free.
Trust natural to be beautiful, real to be appropriate, and honesty to be a sure foundation. Pull back the blinds, ditch the cover-ups, and stop walking on eggshells. Stop deferring to him with, “I don’t know, what do you want?” Think about what you want until you do know. It’s been too long!
Pretend you’re on vacation. You don’t have to work, or cook, or dance around anybody else’s preferences. And it’s your birthday, too! What do you want more than anything else? Don’t limit yourself to what’s realistic, or practical, or affordable. If nothing were out of your reach, what is the best of summer? The best of relationships? The best of life?
Think of your life as one big sabbatical for you to get to know and love you (don’t worry — loving others is a byproduct), so you can spend your next life time or eternity free of fear, self-doubt, and anxiety. It’s true; it just takes us a while to figure it out.
You don’t need an excuse or a permission slip, just the courage to be you. Freedom isn’t a luxury, a right, or a summer fling. It’s job one.