Behavioral intimacy, or how much you like to do together, is one measure of compatibility. And you don’t really know if you like to jog, or golf, or play poker if you haven’t given it a fair chance. Try on his interests and enjoy the aspects that you CAN appreciate. You’ll learn more about what speaks to him, pleases him, energizes him, and relaxes him. You’ll also understand him better, which grows more love and acceptance.
If you’re thinking, “Yeah right, like he’s going to take me jogging,” ask yourself why he wouldn’t. Maybe he assumes you’re not inclined to jog, because YOU have assumed you’re not. Why?
Then, think about what you would absolutely love to do and invite him to join you. If he declines, you can suggest an alternative, or do it without him. He might surprise you by accepting your invitation … and posing his own. If you want an invitation, don’t nag or complain; just give him one! Stay in touch with what nurtures you — physically, mentally, or spiritually — and share it.
Many women have a tendency to sacrifice what they want, without realizing it, when they are with a partner. Some have a tendency to be preoccupied with pleasing a partner, even when he’s not around. Maybe you wonder what HE would like for dinner, which dress HE would prefer, what HE is going to feel like doing … to the point of not knowing what YOU want.
I love to walk with my husband Sam. It gives us a chance to talk about what might not come to mind, otherwise. And every now and then I jump into the air, and he catches me. We’re like a couple of little kids. But while we were walking recently, I realized that I had dropped something I used to love about my solo nature walks. I had a habit of lying back on a bench, a deck, or a rock. And when I closed my eyes, I was in my own little piece of heaven; everything else disappeared.
Maybe you’ve let something slip away. You can find it; and chances are, you can indulge yourself WITH your partner. Within minutes of my realization, I was lying back on a bench with Sam by my side.
You don’t have to extend a formal invitation for your sweetheart to join you; just give yourself permission to do what you intuitively know to do for you. Let him do what he needs to do for him; and see how it feels to participate with him — or beside him. If he’s just sitting on a log, sit on the log. He’ll feel noticed, maybe even appreciated and accepted. That’s big. And he’s apt to reciprocate!
It’s just as important to TRY each other’s interests as it is to enjoy them or excel at them. When you enjoy EACH OTHER more, you’ll FIND activities of interest to both of you. You’ll expand and keep the relationship alive and growing. That means reliving the first stage of relationship — expansion and promise — as often as you like.
Relationships don’t have to get old or stagnant; and neither does behavioral intimacy. You can expand on behavioral intimacy every time you are willing to expand your comfort zone. As you do that, you also grow knowledge, understanding, and acceptance of each other. And those are more enduring than today’s behavioral preferences!