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Find "The One," or I'll Refund Your Money!

And I’ve never been so excited about any program, ever!

I know the science, the art, and the spirit of love more than I ever have … and I’m more certain than I’ve ever been of what it takes for you to live your fairytale. Don’t get soft on me, though; the fairytale is a pilgrimage to love. And while I will guide you to the sunrise of a new beginning, you have to follow my lead.

You don’t have to invite me to the wedding … but you could invite me to perform the ceremony!

What makes me so bold now? Click to Read More

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Jan’s Latest Post

Drop defenses to let love in

From a reader: “I want to get close to somebody, but I can’t seem to develop the kind of meaningful relationship I want. Truth is, I’m not very good at relationships in general. And my loneliness during the holidays made that all too clear!”

Unfortunately, when we most need to connect, we’re apt to feel vulnerable and withdraw or put up a wall that goes where we go. While trying to protect our hearts from pain, we protect them — perhaps, more so — from love.

How do we open our hearts to the love we want, without taking a bullet in the process?

The best answer is to know — and love — yourself so well that you don’t personalize rejection; but that can be the work of a lifetime. For the moment, you can accept that intimacy is worth the risk and make a conscious effort to lower your defenses.

The problem is that you might have no idea what your emotional defense mechanisms look like, let alone how to drop them. You could be using a shield today that you unconsciously developed 30 years ago.

So — especially if you don’t know you’re protecting your heart — take a look at the following list of emotional defense mechanisms lovingly presented by Marilyn Kagan, LCSW, and Neil Einbund, Ph.D., in “Defenders of the Heart.”

Denial: The tactic of overlooking the obvious to reduce anxiety.… More

How do you respond to a lack of desire?

“He’s just not that interested in sex anymore … and desire has always been a big turn-on for me.”

She said the words, without realizing their significance, during a weekend retreat designed to help her and her husband restore intimacy in their relationship. Women want to be sexually desired. It’s in their genes … and, for the most part, they work at it.

So, when men don’t demonstrate their longing, women can be sorely disappointed.

What many women don’t seem to understand is that men are also turned on by their partner’s yearning … and this can be particularly true in a committed relationship, in which the man is foregoing the variety he’s biologically driven to seek out.

So, what happens when both partners develop a take-it-or-leave-it attitude about sex? Right — they don’t have it very often. And their desire continues to wane.

If your partner no longer seems sexually attracted to you, your ego alone offers you reason enough to be nonchalant. Smile. And, yes, your nonchalance (like his) can be a big turn off. And the hard-to-get strategy can be downright ineffective played amidst the daily grind, breeding more resentment than desire.

If you want your partner to demonstrate heated desire, demonstrate your own.… More