Jan Denise, author, speaker, relationships & self-worth consultant

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We have a mouse in the house. Not kidding. And this is, I’ve almost lost count, the fifth time. After we caught the last one, I was so grateful. I hallelujahed every time I walked in the kitchen, glanced in the laundry room, or opened the pantry.

If you know me, you know I’m over-the-top grateful … and one of the things I’m grateful for is clean, orderly, heavenly-feeling space! So, last night, as I contemplated how to tweak my traps for this very clever mouse, I asked Sam, “What do you think I’m supposed to learn from this?”

Then, this morning, it strikes me that I’m still grateful, very grateful for our home … and the fact that the mouse has NOT ventured into all of it. And then, it dawns on me that when there’s a “problem,” I focus on correcting it. I don’t let it get to me. And without any delay, I tackle it. I’m like my mother that way. Maybe I focus TOO MUCH on what’s “wrong.” But I have to give myself credit for having learned to take mice, and other “pests,” in stride. I even mentioned that to Sam, when trying to get to my lesson.… More

From a reader: “You said what makes two people compatible is how deeply and broadly they connect. Intuitively, it sounds right to me, but what exactly does it mean? How does it play out in a relationship?”

To connect deeply we have to get naked, not just physically (that’s the easy part), but mentally and emotionally. We can’t skate on the surface chatting about the weather and expect to attract a soul mate.

We have to risk talking about religion and politics, spirituality and values, dreams we still dream, lessons we can’t seem to learn, and fears we still run from. We have to share from a deep place inside of us if we want to connect deeply. As simple as that sounds, it can be difficult just to face some of what’s in there, let alone pull it out and share it with somebody we’re trying to impress.

The irony is that once you’ve looked at what’s in there, you start to realize how amazing you are! That doesn’t mean everybody will connect with you. But whether they connect or not, if you’re trying to determine compatibility, rather than prove it, your mission is accomplished! And there need not be any hurt feelings.… More

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