Jan Denise, author, speaker, relationships & self-worth consultant

Don’t assume readiness to commit. There are at least three possibilities.

When we assume that what keeps us from getting married is finding the right person or being somebody else’s idea of the right person, we just might bark up the wrong tree — for a very long time.

A lot of people tell me, “I want to get married, I just can’t find the right person.” And it’s on that potentially false premise that they continue to search for the one. But isn’t it possible that they, or you, are not truly ready to choose and commit to a life partner?

Others say, “If I can’t make him happy, I must not be what he (read: anybody) wants in a woman,” and that can leave them trying to conform to what they think he wants. But maybe he’s just not ready to commit — to anybody? Please don’t interpret that as commitment phobia. It’s OK not to be ready. The key is to realize it … and go about being the person you want to be in the meantime. It’s easy enough to look around and find examples of what happens when people who aren’t truly ready to commit do it anyway (it can be much easier to spot a lack of readiness in somebody else).… More

You don’t have to choose between mystery and knowing. There is always more of you to share. And you grow your relationship by discovering what it is and sharing it. … More