Jan Denise, author, speaker, relationships & self-worth consultant

Tears ran down her face as she asked me, “How do I forgive myself?”

Forgiveness is a critical step toward a healthy life, and you can only take it after you’ve had the courage to face the truth. It’s easier to move on — just not in a positive direction — while you’re still lying to yourself about what you did or who’s to blame.

If lying to yourself seems far-fetched, consider a few facts:

Many people think it’s OK to tell a white lie.

Some think it’s OK to cheat a little on their taxes.

Some think what a partner doesn’t know won’t hurt him (or her).

You probably don’t blatantly deny your behavior, but there’s a good chance you justify some of it. And justification often implies trying to make something “wrong” less wrong. But is there really such a thing as less wrong? White lies and black lies? Innocent cheating and tainted cheating?

The truth has a way of catching up with us. And when it does, we are forced to deal with it. Running from the truth is exhausting. And it’s like running from a police officer; you can’t do it (except in the movies) without digging yourself into a deeper hole.… More