Blog

When we focus on what’s lacking in another, we reinforce their fear of not being good enough.

But when we know and love what is sacred in another, we help them to see it, to nurture it, and to grow into the fullness of who they are. … More

Five areas of intimacy work together to determine how compatible you are with a partner and what “BASIS” you have for a satisfying relationship:

B-ehavioral

A-ffective

S-piritual

I-ntellectual

S-exual

Behavioral:
Do you like to do the same things? Do you have similar levels of motivation/energy?

Affective (or Emotional):
How much of yourself and your emotions can you put out there, and still feel safe and accepted?

Spiritual:
Do you share similar values and agree on a reason to live by them.

Intellectual:
Can you have intellectually stimulating conversation, about more than one subject?

Sexual:
How connected do you feel sexually–even when you’re not having sex?

Adapted from the work of Michael Murphy, a psychologist at the University of Florida.

Assess Your Intimacy

Ideally, how much does each area contribute to a satisfying relationship for YOU? For your partner? Assign a percentage to each area, so that the sum of the five is 100. And ask your partner to do the same.

Behavioral

Affective

Spiritual

Intellectual

Sexual
__________

100

How much intimacy do you have with your partner? Rate each area on a scale of one to ten (one being low, ten being high). Ask your partner to do the same. Then, compare notes.… More

Is there somebody who always leaves you feeling better than he found you?

I used to live next door to such a person. Whenever I ran into Bob, whether it was for 20 seconds or 20 minutes, I’d later count our meeting among the high points of my day. It took me a while to figure out why.

Bob was a psychologist — still working, still playing tennis, still stimulating — in his 70s. And he had, with much practice, learned how to make everybody feel accepted: He accepted them.

It’s not as simple as it sounds, though. Bob didn’t use a blanket acceptance to cover everybody he encountered. He actually saw each individual for who they were. He saw through my clothes and flowers and the guys who picked me up on weekends to what was inside.

Isn’t that what we all want — to be known and accepted, to be loved as we are?

In fact, that’s the most valuable gift a parent can give a child. Sadly, many parents are so caught up in their own drama that they don’t really see their children for who they are.

In the academy award winning film “Ordinary People,” Mary Tyler Moore paints a poignant picture of this.… More

… More

No need to overthink what your relationship needs. Deep in your soul, what do you need?… More

Nobody else is responsible for making us feel well loved. In fact, they can’t–no matter how much they want to, or how much we want them to.

We won’t feel well loved until we decide that we’re lovable. And to do that we must simply get to know who we are.

To truly know you is to truly love you.… More