Wow, did I ever hit the proverbial “home run.” It took me some 54 years of trying, but I finally figured it out. Figured what out, you ask? How to have a relationship? How to find the woman of my dreams? How to understand a woman?
Yes. Yes. Yes. And here come the answers — if you want them.
Love. Love. Love.
No-brainer, right? Slow learner, too. I had to learn for myself what love is, and it took a long time, with lots of bruising and pain along the way. Just as importantly, I learned what love is not.
The path of love is very narrow. It is displaced by ego, power, control and the love of anything other than yourself, the people around you and God’s creation. Yes, guys — loving your car is different from loving your girlfriend or wife. And toys are just that: toys.
So after bumping around all over the place, how did I find love?
I started by loving myself. As my wife likes to say, you can only love another as well as you love your Self. Through knowledge, understanding and forgiveness of my mistakes, I found an empowering love and goodness within me. Then I saw love within all creation. I recognized that we all have unique gifts, yet I saw an equality: our ability to love.
To truly love your Self isn’t easy in the beginning, but the results are beautiful. One biggie you have to get over is society — and all your buddies suggesting you aren’t worthy of it. You are. And others are worthy of your love, too.
The process of loving one’s self? Think of a balanced love of your mind, body and spirit. Your body nourishes your mind, and your mind nourishes your spirit. Consider your spirit the feelings of love you have for yourself and that which is all around you.
Love isn’t just caring. It’s a process that involves knowledge, understanding, forgiveness, responsibility, commitment and compassion for those who, for one reason or another, cannot align with love.
I met my wife, and we became friends. We began to know and understand each other. We forgave each other when we made a mistake or did something not aligned with love, and we were responsible for learning from our mistakes. We were open with one another; we confided in each other; we trusted each other. Eventually, after we committed to a partnership, we were married.
From there I began to understand the true power of the woman in a relationship. As I trounce around in a world that is far from being aligned with love, my wife provides me with my spiritual shelter and helps me realign with love when I fall off the narrow path. She helps me heal from any negative emotions, emotions that stem from a world that says we aren’t good enough. She questions me when I come from ego or control or other spiritual places that are less than loving. In many ways she is my doctor.
All I am asked to do is respect her, love her, listen to her and be open with her, telling her all that is in my heart. With that she gives her all to me.
Well, guys (and girls), there you go. Look around. Chances are, there is someone close by who adores you. Maybe you are already friends. Put aside what society tells you to do, and do what your heart tells you to do. It may not be easy at first, but, oh, is it so very beautiful.
The above was first published by Creators Syndicate on August 31, 2007, as my weekly column; it was written by Horace O. Ferguson III, aka my baby and Sam Ferguson, when he volunteered to be a guest columnist.