Jan Denise, author, speaker, relationships & self-worth consultant

You are somebody’s “10”

You are somebody’s “10”

In desperate moments, we just want somebody to have dinner with…but in our heart of hearts, we want to be cherished. We want to be completely known and loved by somebody who thinks we’re perfect.

For years I’m sure there were people who thought I was way too picky or idealistic. Some of them gave words to their exasperation, “What do you think you’re going to do with Mr. Perfect when you find him? Isn’t he going to want somebody perfect?”

I wasn’t looking for anybody else’s idea of perfection, though. The 35-year-old on the cover of “Fortune” will likely go for somebody younger…OK, maybe taller and richer, too. But, hey, 35 isn’t perfect for me. And maybe it isn’t perfect for you, either.

There is somebody out there who is perfect for you, though, and you can trust that you are perfect for him (or her), as well.

When Ann Weber, professor of psychology at the University of N.C. at Chapel Hill, first told me, “A five is going to be most happy with a five,” I cringed. I am idealistic enough that assigning a number — a five (out of 10) — to humans in search of love seemed cold.… More

Valentine’s Day … Tips for Every Heart to Be Happy

Valentine’s Day … Tips for Every Heart to Be Happy

This Valentine’s Day, no matter where you are — on the fence, fizzling out, stuck on the surface or alone — I have practical tips for you.

Are you trying to decide if he (or she) is not that into you? Before you break the bank or take time off from work to try harder, he’s probably not that into you if:

1. He’s not that into himself. And you can tell how into himself he is by how well he knows himself — not how arrogant he is.

2. He doesn’t know who you are — not what you do for a living or a list of facts — what’s important to you, what you stand for, what you’re passionate about.

3. He doesn’t respect you for who you are.

4. He’s more interested in what you do together than just spending time together.

5. He talks to you but doesn’t listen to you or listens to you but doesn’t talk to you.

6. He doesn’t introduce you to his family and friends or take you to his office party.

7. He spends money freely on himself but skimps on you.

8. He doesn’t respond (out of desire, rather than obligation) when you need help.… More

Are you dancing?

Are you dancing?

I don’t know how everything best comes together or how it should all play out. I only have to do MY part, though, the part I know. And when I’ve done that, I can trust whatever comes.

Dance, baby, dance.

Photo Credit: Valerie Ann Stemberger… More