Jan Denise, author, speaker, relationships & self-worth consultant

When we play small to protect somebody, we don’t actually protect them. We protect–or feed–their ego, their pride, their jealousy, their fear. And that serves nobody–neither them, nor us, nor society. So, why do we play small?

Ultimately, we’re not trying to protect somebody else. We are trying to protect ourself, or our own ego, from failure, from rejection, from being misunderstood, criticized, or alienated. But to play small is to betray our authentic self and don a mask in hopes of approval. The approval, though, if won, is not for us. The approval is for the mask.

I grew up haunted by what people might think if they saw the me behind the mask, not because my life was shameful, but because I thought it was. Afraid of embarrassment, I tried to be nonchalant, especially in the presence of others. Failure, if nobody knew how hard I was trying, didn’t hurt as much. I was not afraid of anguish; I just wanted to experience it in an isolated corner. But we don’t learn to fall in a corner. And we don’t learn to soar in a corner. I am finally able to live this truth, with exhilaration, rather than embarrassment.… More

If you want to know how well he will love you, just look at how well he loves himself. Don’t look at how well he seems to love his mother, his kids, or his employees; he could have an agenda tied to that. Look at how well he cares for himself—body, mind, and spirit. Look at how much he knows and respects himself for who he is, not what he has, or what he has done. Look at how promptly he responds to his needs. Does he do it joyfully or begrudgingly.

He will love you as he loves himself!… More