When you face a relationship decision, choose to transcend the temporal and let go of what binds you to it. … More
It’s tough to do great things by setting out to do them … because almost before we get started we’re coming from ego rather than love. Besides, we have to manage small things to get the experience we need to manage bigger ones. And sometimes that leaves us shying away from doing much of anything!
But when we begin to do something, we are encouraged. Peace and joy lie in doing what we can — not what we wish we could do. And when we move away from our preconceived notion of what “great” looks like, we make way for what great really is. It’s nothing more than doing what we can with love.
We can build a castle without love … or we can sweep a dirt floor with love. But we can only be happy with love.
We forget — again and again, but never forever. And the more we practice, the longer we remember. … More
Your love and desire aren’t contingent on his (or hers). And it’s much easier to know what’s in your heart than it is to know what’s in somebody else’s.
Even when we’re torn from one moment to the next, the answer is there. Sometimes we’re asking the wrong person. Sometimes we just don’t want to see the answer that’s spelled out in front of us.
If you’re struggling to decide — to date or not to date, to break-up or not, to get married or not — try the following:
~ Ask YOURSELF the question. Don’t get sidetracked trying to second guess what somebody else thinks or wants, and don’t take the easy way out by making somebody else responsible for choosing. Remember that it takes two, though.
~ Ask what you WANT to do — not what you should do.
~ Ask how you would counsel a friend struggling to answer the question. This allows you to stand back and be objective.
~ Imagine living with the consequences of your choices and ask how at peace you feel with each choice.… More
Behavioral intimacy, or how much you like to do together, is one measure of compatibility. And you don’t really know if you like to jog, or golf, or play poker if you haven’t given it a fair chance. Try on his interests and enjoy the aspects that you CAN appreciate. You’ll learn more about what speaks to him, pleases him, energizes him, and relaxes him. You’ll also understand him better, which grows more love and acceptance.
If you’re thinking, “Yeah right, like he’s going to take me jogging,” ask yourself why he wouldn’t. Maybe he assumes you’re not inclined to jog, because YOU have assumed you’re not. Why?
Then, think about what you would absolutely love to do and invite him to join you. If he declines, you can suggest an alternative, or do it without him. He might surprise you by accepting your invitation … and posing his own. If you want an invitation, don’t nag or complain; just give him one! Stay in touch with what nurtures you — physically, mentally, or spiritually — and share it.… More
The ideal partner can offer a safe place for you to reveal and heal your wounds; but he (or she) can’t do it for you. And even if he could, he wouldn’t! He trusts you too much to think he needs to; and he loves you too much not to let you fly. … More
For the best relationship ever, start with a clean slate. Wipe away the black marks and start fresh, aiming, once again, for consummate love. Only this time, do it with consummate love in clear view. Know what you’re going for, and you have a better shot at it.
According to Robert J. Sternberg, a psychologist and psychometrician of Cornell University, perfect love is a high level of intimacy, passion, and commitment.
• Intimacy: Psychological knowledge shared, and connection based on that knowledge
• Passion: Erotic attraction
• Commitment: The decision that a person loves another person and the commitment to maintain that love
It’s difficult to experience a high level of any one of the three if you focus on how you’ve been wronged or short-changed; and each one works to strengthen or weaken the others (see diagram below). Wiping the slate clean, on the other hand, allows you to immediately enjoy what you have and develop more of it.
I realize that a clean slate isn’t exactly something you can order online or have somebody else deliver; but relationships are about giving what you have. So give YOURSELF a clean slate. When you wipe yours clean, you wipe his clean, too!… More