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Jan Denise, author, speaker, relationships & self-worth consultant

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Love Yourself to THE ONE

One of the things, if we’re honest, standing between you and the relationship of your dreams is weight. And reaching a healthy weight is part of learning to love yourself well.

So, I’m launching ten tips.

Love Yourself to a Healthy Weight

One of Ten Tips:

Eat what makes you close your eyes to savor it!
This makes one bite worth three!

Here, I demonstrate with a white chocolate truffle. This is serious fun and serious love. Food is intended to nourish your body AND your spirit. So, be present and indulge yourself. You can swallow that bite whole, OR you can savor it.

PRACTICE: DON’T BE IN SUCH A BIG HURRY TO GET TO THE NEXT BITE! … More

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Do You Have the BASIS for a Relationship?


FIVE AREAS OF INTIMACY to help you determine if you’re compatible, or have the BASIS for a satisfying relationship, adapted from the work of Michael Murphy, a psychologist at the University of Florida:

B-ehavioral
A-ffective
S-piritual
I-ntellectual
S-exual

Behavioral:
Do you like to do the same things? Do you have similar levels of motivation/energy?

Affective:
How much of yourself and your emotions can you put out there, and still feel safe and accepted?

Spiritual:
Do you have similar values and share a common sense of purpose?

Intellectual:
Can you have intellectually stimulating conversation, about more than one subject?

Sexual:
How connected do you feel sexually–even when you’re not having sex?

Even at a glance, these five areas of intimacy help you see why past romances flourished or fell flat and, probably, they point to some naivety or foolishness. You’re not stupid, though; you’re delightfully human. And oddly enough, humans don’t get much relationship training. AND, this assessment can’t be fully launched until everyday life kicks in! That could be all the reason you need to hold off on commitment. You can’t discover what your relationship really looks like while life revolves around goo-goo eyes and kissing! But it’s never too late to assess what you actually have; and that assessment, like getting to know each other, is an ongoing practice.… More

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Your Heaven on Earth Together

Heaven on earth is no pipe dream; it’s ensured by The Lord’s Prayer. But there is no ego in heaven, so we’re shedding it! And sometimes we resist something fierce.

Relationships paint a poignant picture of this with two butting egos! Give up the ego, and you’ve got a fairytale … it may or may not last forever, but it will always have a happy ending!… More

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Choosing Love or Fear

With each human interaction, we choose to come from love or fear. Love connects and builds relationship. Fear disconnects and builds walls. That doesn’t mean that love always keeps two people together romantically. But love always gives them the courage to communicate honestly and develop intimacy that’s real–even if it means letting go of sex. It’s not the love–or even the breakup–that hurts us. It’s the fear and lack of connection that hurt us–sometimes because we run from intimacy, and sometimes because we cling to a “relationship” that’s empty! … More

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Who Am I Again?

We grow up learning to cope, which means defending ourselves and proving ourselves. Then we’re faced with adult responsibilities that somehow interrupt our dreams and our passions. So remembering who we really are can be like trying to remember a dream. But to truly love ourselves AND get the love we long for from somebody else, we must know and share who we actually are!
We can! YOU can! … More

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Love Has Nothing to Prove. Neither Do You!

Love has nothing to prove. And neither do you! You’re free to be you. The next time you’re on a date–even if it’s with your spouse–make sure the person you present is the real you. Let them get to know you; that’s an ongoing process. Remember, you can’t feel loved if you’re shielded by shiny armor (that could look like a padded wallet, pretty words, or a fake laugh). I’m not suggesting that you blast anybody with your anger or intolerance. That’s your ego! In fact, any negative emotion, or argument, is birthed by “I’m not good enough.” You are!

When you express your true feelings, your discomfort, and your dreams, you are refreshed and refueled … instead of drained! You are also loved. Because YOU are lovable. Grow into yourself, grow out of your comfort zone. Don’t just live. Thrive!… More

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Jan’s Latest Post

When are you wrong?

When we’re open to a resolution, to a win-win, we can find one.

It’s when we want to make somebody else wrong that we have a fight on our hands. It’s when we are afraid to lose (the argument or whatever we struggle to hold on to) that we can’t dismiss the anger. We WANT something to be angry about, somebody to blame for something.

When we choose love, it displaces anger and fear. … More

When we truly love, we …

… More

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