WE YEARN FOR LOVE. What exactly is it that we yearn for, though? Something that makes us feel happy, safe, cared about, connected? Something we saw in a movie or in the happily-ever-after of a fairy-tale sunset, something we heard in a song, something somebody told us we would find someday? Something that satisfies a biological need? All of the above! We want somebody to eat the pizza with, process the movie with, stand speechless with, wake up with, die with. We want somebody to call when our flight’s delayed, somebody to answer the phone before we spend a night in jail. We want somebody to know who we are, what we’re truly about … in a world that often looks right through us, as though we are invisible to them (because they only see us in their unconscious mind). We want somebody to see us glisten in the moonlight. We want to be valued. We want to be unconditionally loved.

an excerpt from my upcoming book
photo taken 6/24/2006, the day Sam and I got married
the love we yearn for with a partner is real; and it’s for you!… More

LOVE YOURSELF TO A HEALTHY WEIGHT

Is weight standing between you and the relationship of your dreams? Reaching a healthy weight is part of loving yourself well.

TIP TWO: Save some of your calories for dessert or a snack by foregoing the starch (potato, rice, pasta, or bread) with your meal.

Salad for dinner is a delicious alternative, especially during warm weather. And dressing doesn’t have to have more calories than the salad! A tasty vinegar with salt and pepper can be yummy–try aged balsamic, rice, or sweet mango–and if you want more substance, just substitute yogurt for mayo or oil. Cheese and nuts may be enough protein; but if you want more, top with blackened fish, ham, crab, or chicken. We have a few go-to favorites; but you never have to eat the same salad twice.

PRACTICE: Skip the starch, use nutritious greens for bulk, and add taste treats, like sun-dried tomatoes, roasted beets, peppadews, cheese (a little goes a long way), nuts, fresh fruit, crispy onions, and jalapeño jelly.… More

FIVE AREAS OF INTIMACY to help you determine if you’re compatible, or have the BASIS for a satisfying relationship, adapted from the work of Michael Murphy, a psychologist at the University of Florida:

B-ehavioral
A-ffective
S-piritual
I-ntellectual
S-exual

Behavioral:
Do you like to do the same things? Do you have similar levels of motivation/energy?

Affective:
How much of yourself and your emotions can you put out there, and still feel safe and accepted?

Spiritual:
Do you have similar values and share a common sense of purpose?

Intellectual:
Can you have intellectually stimulating conversation, about more than one subject?

Sexual:
How connected do you feel sexually–even when you’re not having sex?

Even at a glance, these five areas of intimacy help you see why past romances flourished or fell flat and, probably, they point to some naivety or foolishness. You’re not stupid, though; you’re delightfully human. And oddly enough, humans don’t get much relationship training. AND, this assessment can’t be fully launched until everyday life kicks in! That could be all the reason you need to hold off on commitment. You can’t discover what your relationship really looks like while life revolves around goo-goo eyes and kissing! But it’s never too late to assess what you actually have; and that assessment, like getting to know each other, is an ongoing practice.… More