Remember when your mom told you not to date somebody you wouldn’t want to marry? You may have thought it was silly at the time. To me, marriage seemed a million miles away from dating. And so did sex — I didn’t even know what sex was.
Now that I have indulged in sex, though, it’s more difficult to forego; and it can be easy to get “involved.”
Most of us aren’t really interested in sex without intimacy; but at the same time, we’re not terribly interested in intimacy without the possibility of passionate sex. So, we’re drawn to passion, but have a tough time holding it off long enough to determine the potential for intimacy!
Still, I think there’s a case to be made for the stand-alone date or the stand-alone kiss. A kiss doesn’t have to lead to something. It doesn’t have to be part of an agenda or a serious notion to pursue a relationship. It can be enjoyed for its own sake.
Sometimes — given half a chance — passion will dissipate in the face of differences revealed with just one more date. And if it doesn’t dissipate, we’ll have another chance to act on it. I wonder if sometimes we’re compelled to act on passion, knowing that if we wait, we’ll find too many reasons not to.
As we get older, we can make more conscious choices. And maybe that means stopping before the date or the kiss, maybe it means stopping after the kiss, maybe it means stopping before sex, maybe it means stopping after sex (without forcing a relationship to “work” or beating ourselves up or blaming anybody). Maybe it means all of the above.
Enjoy whatever it means for you!