What if when he/she said something that made you feel defensive, you realized that he can’t really make you feel defensive? What if you knew that he merely triggered an existing wound? What if you seized an opportunity to talk about it, to trace it to the pain that caused it, and to realize that the source of the pain was no longer there?
What if you could be the one to treat the wound and heal it? And what if he could hold you close while you were doing it? Would you let him? Will you let him?