Jan Denise – Page 918

Your Relationship Status Is About YOU

Do you make excuses for why you’re not in a relationship, as though it’s about somebody or something else?

It’s about you.

If you’re willing to assume responsibility for yourself, you’ll find the love you want. Think of it as taking a promotion. Responsibility is a privilege. The more you take on, the more empowered you are to effect change.

It’s easier to stay on the couch and whine about how you can’t meet somebody, but that gets you the same old same old. Not what you want.

In “Get Over Yourself!” matchmaker Patti Novak says she tells clients what their friends won’t. She’s not afraid to tell them that they talk too much, could use a haircut or should have only one cat instead of 12.

Her advice is somebody’s-got-to-go-there-with-you practical!

“One of the biggest obstacles people have in finding love is not knowing how to behave — what to say and what not to say, how to act and how not to act — when they’re out in public with someone they’ve just met,” says Novak.

Ah, but she also says that love isn’t about having the right shoes or a flat stomach.

Of course it’s not, but there are people out there who would tell you that it is, and give you a quick fix or an easy formula.… More

Are you sparing somebody the truth?

At times It can seem like we have to draw a line between honesty and kindness. We don’t, though.

We CAN’T really separate the truth from love or kindness.

When we avoid the truth out of “kindness,” the truth isn’t the problem. The negative emotion we’ve attached to the truth is the problem. If we remove our anger and doubt (and any other negative emotion based in fear), we’ll see that the truth serves everybody. … More

What do I mean by love?

Authentic love is my concept of love. It extends far beyond romantic love or even consummate love shared with a life partner.

Love is everything good; it is the force for good. It is pure and resolute, with no self-serving agenda, with no degrees or deviation. It is passion and peace. It is responsibility and freedom, strength and tenderness, rock solid and transparent. It is defenseless and invulnerable! It is neither pride nor shame. It is fearless, unifying, compassionate, and healing.

It is mine, yours, nobody’s, and everybody’s. It can’t be seen, or touched, or quantified; but it is everywhere. It is everything. It is the only thing that matters. … More

What are you feeding?

Feeding the ego isn’t the answer. It’s insatiable. There isn’t enough pretty, or money, or accomplishment to make it feel good enough.

But I am not my ego, that defensive facade created to make up for what I was afraid was missing. And you are not your ego.

When we know who we really are, we can feed that instead. We can feed love.

We are love. … More

True for me …

… More

Self-Verification Attracts

“The best women will always be attracted to the men with the strongest convictions,” writes one reader.

Maybe he’s on to something, assuming that the men with the strongest convictions also live by them. We’re all looking for our way, so when somebody seems to have found theirs, that somebody (male or female) can be very attractive.

I’m not talking about arrogant or narrow-minded. Those qualities don’t attract the “best” women — or men. When somebody really knows the truth, he has a quiet self-assurance, and he’s not close-minded or threatened by a difference in philosophy.

I am talking about somebody who knows what he believes independent of society or religion or political party or club, somebody who has heard his own music and isn’t afraid to dance to it.

Imagine the earth as one giant dance floor. You can look around and see people who go through the motions as though they can’t quite feel the music. You see others trying to find some good moves to mimic. And, you see others who close their eyes and move effortlessly to the beat.

People with strong convictions hear their own music … and they’re not afraid to get out there and dance.… More