That’s good news. When we change, so does the relationship. … More
And when we say it that way, we recognize the enormity of the task. “The essence of knowledge is self-knowledge,” said the Greek philosopher Plato. “Know thyself,” is accepted as the corner stone on which the temples of philosophy were erected; and without the corner stone, all other knowing crumbles.
It is the quest that has traveled with man from the launching of a soul until the present day. It has, from the beginning, transcended continent, race, culture, and tradition. But if the sages of every age have sought the knowing, only for the next generation to seek it again, how can we have the audacity to take on the task. How can we not?
The knowing is not knowledge that can be passed on. The knowing is uncovered only in the process of seeking it. No man has rights to it; yet all men have the right to pursue it. And so, we must seek it. … More
Afraid that you weren’t “good enough,” you became somebody else in order to win love and acceptance. The problem is that you can never feel good about being a fraud.
You CAN feel good about being you, though! And that starts with getting to know everything-good you. … More
When we can’t get the sex we want with a partner, we seem to settle for getting it vicariously. And the media deliver an ongoing stream of “opportunity.” How desperate do we have to be to sit in front of a TV screen week after week to see what “Desperate Housewives” are going to do next?
Sex sells everything from toothpaste to sailboats because we want to have more sex. Or do we?
About 23 percent of unmarried men and 32 percent of unmarried women report that they have not had sex in the last year. About 13 percent of married couples report that they have had sex only a few times in the last year, and 45 percent report that they have sex only a few times a month.
If we wanted sex as much as we let on, wouldn’t we participate more often? The average American adult watches TV for four hours and 35 minutes every day — that translates to 365 times a year, or 30 times a month for a lingering four hours and 35 minutes a pop!
You see, there’s some effort and risk in having sex, even in the context of a committed relationship.… More
People really do grow apart. But there’s more to it than that. Sometimes they never really “had anything,” at least not anything close to what they had hoped for.
The good news is that we can and do “wake up.” From what, though? How could we have been so wrong — and, more importantly, how can we avoid being so wrong again?
Psychologists use the term “cognitive dissonance” to explain the discomfort we feel when we have conflicting thoughts, or conflicting thoughts and behaviors. We are so motivated to avoid that discomfort that we filter incoming data. We use what reinforces an established belief and conveniently ignore the rest. And when a behavior, one we can’t or refuse to change, conflicts with a belief, we justify that behavior by manipulating our thoughts.
In other words, cognitive dissonance explains how we can be amazingly close-minded and opinionated, and how we can see the proverbial mote in another’s eye and miss the beam in our own. And, stay with me here, it also explains waking up.… More