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Jan Denise, author, speaker, relationships & self-worth consultant

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Are you still looking?

… More

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Where are you stopping?

If I want to speak my heart, I can’t stop at what sounds good.

If I want to give my best, I can’t stop at winning approval.

If I want to live my destiny …
I can’t stop at gratifying my ego. … More

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For more and better sex, cut the rejection …

It’s hard enough not to personalize rejection, but sexual rejection is by nature deeply personal.

When you want to have sex with somebody who’s not interested, it can hurt to the core … especially when they choose to have sex with somebody else. And the pain may be more prevalent with married people than single.

When you’re married, it’s about more than sex. You’ve already committed to one person, the very one who’s rejecting you. As a single person, let’s be honest, you may have been more hungry for sex than intimacy; and you’re free to eat elsewhere.

When we’ve shared our most private physical parts (or tried to) with somebody who just looks the other way, it can feel like we just got sucker punched. After all, before we laid ourselves out there (maybe emotionally as well), we thought we had some reason to believe that the other party was game. And even if we were more interested in meeting a physical need than an emotional one, we feel rejected. It’s personal; and it’s painful.

It’s not about the color of your shirt or your taste in wallpaper. Hey, you could change those.

Your sexual desires are biological; and your sexuality is rooted in beliefs, often the ones you took on as a child without even realizing it.… More

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Dear Friends …

I am so thankful!

I can’t always see the sun. Most of the time, I can feel it even when I can’t see it. But when I can neither see nor feel the sun, I still KNOW it’s shining. There is peace in that knowing. Unwavering peace.

Let’s embrace that … not so we can simply know peace. I want more than that. I want to feel alive and engaged. I want to be passionate about my existence and what I make of it. And without that, I don’t really experience TRUE peace.

Let’s live like the sun is out! Let’s live like we are the sun! Because we are.

Love and hugs,

Jan

PS: About the pandemic, it does not affect the sun. … More

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Always …

… More

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Let the truth be your friend …

Don’t pretend everything is okay. If you close your eyes and muddle through the chaos, you let it fester and grow. You create a gulf. And when you become hopeless about bridging that gulf, you stop trying.

Face each day with honesty, courage, and heart.… More

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Jan’s Latest Post

Opposites attract, complement, don’t complete …

“Relationships don’t work when people get hooked up with opposites, instead of partners with similar traits who like what they like,” says one reader.

Not bad … but it’s not quite that simple.

“Similar” is most apt to work after two people have accepted who they are, and are no longer trying to get somebody else to give them what they “lack.” Opposites sometimes attract each other to compensate for what they think they’re missing.

If, for example, you long to be comfortable socializing, you might be attracted to somebody who’s outgoing and well connected in the community. And although, as an introvert, you could be intrigued by a socialite for a while, novelty is generally short lived. While an extrovert is fueled by the crowd, an introvert is drained by it โ€” even when enjoying it โ€” and might want more space to catch his (or her) breath than he can find with an extrovert.

This is a perfect example of how two people can get enthralled with each other โ€” briefly. Infatuation rarely survives for more than a year.

On the other hand, if you’ve learned that you can mingle with a crowd of strangers, and still prefer to spend your time with intimate friends, you just might accept yourself as-is.… More

Dear Friends …

You’re probably familiar with the cliche, “People will remember how you made them feel, long after they forget what you said. I’ve found that to be true.

And here’s what I’m thinking this morning … I will remember how I felt today long after I forget what I did today.

Let’s choose to feel the way we want most to feel. Let’s think what we can think in good conscience. Let’s do what we can do whole-heartedly. Let’s spend our time on what’s worth revisiting at the end of the day.

Let’s do, right now, the one thing that we want most to do today. Let’s focus on our first priority this week, this month, this year.

Let’s NOT get distracted by what’s happening all around us. Let’s not merely react to what other people are doing.

It’s a brave new year. I want to hold on to the reins of my life–not with my head, but with my heart; not in the spirit of control, but in the spirit of love.

And if I can do that, I will FEEL engaged, satisfied, fully alive, happy, and free. I will feel like ME. And that means feeling at peace.

Let’s feel what we want to feel!… More

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