FIVE AREAS OF INTIMACY to help you determine if you’re compatible, or have the BASIS for a satisfying relationship, adapted from the work of Michael Murphy, a psychologist at the University of Florida:

B-ehavioral
A-ffective
S-piritual
I-ntellectual
S-exual

Behavioral:
Do you like to do the same things? Do you have similar levels of motivation/energy?

Affective:
How much of yourself and your emotions can you put out there, and still feel safe and accepted?

Spiritual:
Do you have similar values and share a common sense of purpose?

Intellectual:
Can you have intellectually stimulating conversation, about more than one subject?

Sexual:
How connected do you feel sexually–even when you’re not having sex?

Even at a glance, these five areas of intimacy help you see why past romances flourished or fell flat and, probably, they point to some naivety or foolishness. You’re not stupid, though; you’re delightfully human. And oddly enough, humans don’t get much relationship training. AND, this assessment can’t be fully launched until everyday life kicks in! That could be all the reason you need to hold off on commitment. You can’t discover what your relationship really looks like while life revolves around goo-goo eyes and kissing! But it’s never too late to assess what you actually have; and that assessment, like getting to know each other, is an ongoing practice.… More

With each human interaction, we choose to come from love or fear. Love connects and builds relationship. Fear disconnects and builds walls. That doesn’t mean that love always keeps two people together romantically. But love always gives them the courage to communicate honestly and develop intimacy that’s real–even if it means letting go of sex. It’s not the love–or even the breakup–that hurts us. It’s the fear and lack of connection that hurt us–sometimes because we run from intimacy, and sometimes because we cling to a “relationship” that’s empty! … More

Love has nothing to prove. And neither do you! You’re free to be you. The next time you’re on a date–even if it’s with your spouse–make sure the person you present is the real you. Let them get to know you; that’s an ongoing process. Remember, you can’t feel loved if you’re shielded by shiny armor (that could look like a padded wallet, pretty words, or a fake laugh). I’m not suggesting that you blast anybody with your anger or intolerance. That’s your ego! In fact, any negative emotion, or argument, is birthed by “I’m not good enough.” You are!

When you express your true feelings, your discomfort, and your dreams, you are refreshed and refueled … instead of drained! You are also loved. Because YOU are lovable. Grow into yourself, grow out of your comfort zone. Don’t just live. Thrive!… More