“Is it true that we pick partners like our parents because of unresolved issues?” asks a reader.

It’s true that we inevitably incur emotional wounds growing up that still exist in our unconscious. And it’s true that we go about seeking — even without conscious effort — somebody to make it OK again.

What we actually find in a lover is often a band-aid that wears off at about the time the infatuation does. Thus, we move from one lover to another. Or, we stay in a relationship for “love,” while our issues continue indefinitely to clash with our partner’s. Or, we recognize what’s going on and learn how to heal the wounds.

In his bestselling book “Getting the Love You Want,” Harville Hendrix suggests, “You fell in love because your old brain [being the primitive, unconscious] had your partner confused with your parents!” He suggests that you only thought it was beauty, an impressive job, a “point value” equal to yours or a kind disposition.

His suggestion assumes that you had not yet healed the childhood wounds at the time you “fell in love.” And while that’s not an entirely safe assumption, if you’ve plumbed your unconscious, you’ve also been amazed at the persistence of the wounds!… More

We commemorate Saint Patrick, the 5th-century missionary credited with the arrival of Christianity in Ireland. By extension, we find reasons to celebrate the heritage and culture of the Irish in general. And we do it with smiling eyes!… More