When somebody infringes on my space or my time, I can get triggered and feel defensive, even resentful. But nobody else can really impose on me, unless I give them that power. I get to choose how I respond to anything outside myself. And I can say no to somebody, without defending myself, blaming them, or feeling guilty.

I can let the phone ring until I finish breakfast. I don’t have to answer the doorbell. Everybody wins if, when I do respond, I have the presence of mind to think clearly and speak honestly, without any negative emotion.

“Boundaries” may come to mind. But if we simply build walls to keep unhealthy people out, we don’t just avoid them. We also avoid our own unhealthy emotions. And at some point we want to heal the wounds that trigger negative feelings.

Let’s respond in love to what’s unhealthy–whether it’s coming at us or from us.

Love Smiles,… More

With the zeal of a diligent seeker, I have researched love and interviewed the experts in order to deliver the goods on intimacy, passion and commitment. The fairy tale is real, but it is more than a happy ending. When we see Cinderella being swept away by the prince, we forget how many years she spent in self-therapy while cleaning her stepmother’s house.

The relationship you want can only be had through hard work on yourself … and that’s the work we do our best to avoid. It’s much easier to shell out money. Americans spend 35 billion dollars a year on unproven diet products because they find it too difficult to eat less.

And eating less is easy compared to getting naked. We’re scared to death to strip away the family, the house, the degree, the job, the kids. We’ve defined ourselves by appearance, grades, athletic ability, good behavior or rebellion as far back as we can remember. You’re not alone if you’re thinking, “Who would I be without all that?” Most of us don’t know.

Strip away what can be quantified, seen or touched, and you have your authentic self. You have that for which you want to be known and loved.… More

We eventually realize that our fear-based efforts to be good enough fall short. There is not enough money, or sex, or power, or pretty to make us feel the way we want to feel. Good Enough. And when we are willing to choose love over what we have used to win approval from others, we finally have enough. We know that WE are enough. We know that we ARE love.… More