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Jan Denise, author, speaker, relationships & self-worth consultant

Love has no agenda …

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Women DON’T Want a Fraidy Cat!

Men — and even women — have struggled for centuries to figure out what women want. It’s easier to tell you what they DON’T want!

Women don’t want a fraidy cat. And the rest is up for grabs — it depends on the woman and her preferences. I know … that’s an unsophisticated response to Freud’s: “Despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, I have not been able to answer … the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?”

Stay with me, though. If a man’s not afraid, he’s not intimidated by a woman’s intelligence. He appreciates her intuition. He’s not threatened by her emotions, however cyclical; and he’s not embarrassed by his own. He’s strong and vulnerable. He’s true to himself … and that means, according to Shakespeare, he’s true to her.

I could probably rest my case now, but I have another 450 words.

You’ve probably heard how not being afraid of rejection works when you’re selling life insurance. There’s an old story about a man who was offered one dollar for every “no” he got. With nothing to lose and a dollar to gain, he fearlessly approached prospects. Consequently, he got rich.… More

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God, the scientist, artist, mystic, creator …

Some people live as though life is a scientific coincidence or accident. I believe in science. I believe God to be a scientist. I also believe Him to be a masterful artist and a mystic, the creator and the force behind everything good. I believe God to be love.

Life without that belief is empty, at least emptier than I want my life to be. You could argue (and I have) that I believe because I want to, because I can’t bear the thought of an empty or accidental existence. But I have evidence. It is both everywhere and nowhere, tangible and intangible. Einstein said, “There are two ways to live your life — one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.”

This morning as I jogged, I got caught in the rain … and loved it! I raised my arms in surrender to the heavens; and rather than feeling like a prisoner, I felt like a freed bird!

The forces of nature are the forces of God. Dare to run with them. Dance with them. Sing with them. Cry with them. Be still with them. And they will make a believer of you!… More

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Do you love your partner for who he (or she) is or what he has to offer you?

Are you prepared to love well today? It’s not about having the right clothes to wear, or enough money to spend, or a degree to hang on the wall. Can you stand stripped of those and still love yourself? If so, then you can also see others apart from those things and love them for who they are. … More

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No yelling and screaming in love …

Ever feel like you have to yell and scream to get your partner’s attention? Well, you don’t really! And try not to make your partner feel like he/she has to! Listen to the whispers; then, to avoid misunderstanding, repeat what you think you heard. Give voice to love.
That yelling and screaming is based in fear; and fear pushes love aside. They can’t co-exist! … More

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You’re writing your own story …

If this little segment of your movie is iffy, remember you’re the hero(ine). You live forever, and you get the girl! God’s got you!
You’re writing your own script, though! He lets you choose until you get it right. … More

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Love yourself the way you would love a child … unconditionally

Especially if you’ve been thinking about your “imperfections” lately, please ask yourself this question: At what point did I lose my perfection?
We think of a newborn baby as perfect. When the baby cries, we still think he’s perfect. He is. When he tries to crawl and can’t, we still think he’s perfect. We see his stumbling as part of what makes him perfect. We delight in his effort and encourage him to grow.
Yet for some reason when we, as adults, stumble in an effort to take the next step or get the next lesson, we tend to point to a personal “imperfection” — or blame it on somebody else. Pointing to “imperfections” reinforces them. Eventually, we come to expect less of ourselves; maybe we even quit trying. And blaming somebody else is no more effective.
Rather than kick yourself while you are down, encourage yourself. Give yourself points for effort. Don’t just do it to be kind. Do it to be fair!
Encourage yourself the way you would encourage your baby, because that might be the best example you have of your ability to love unconditionally. And that’s the only way to really love somebody, including yourself.
You are doing the best you can do.… More

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Learning to Love Yourself

Jan's program for the quest of a lifetime.

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~ Who you are, apart from the facade
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