Jan Denise – Page 922

Attention: The currency we forget to budget

You can start your day with what seems like an unlimited supply of attention — the thing your sweetheart, boss and the media are all vying for — and still end your day with zip on automatic pilot in front of the TV.

Sadly, that means not giving the most important people in your life the attention they want, and probably not getting the attention you want from them.

In today’s economy, it’s easy to give work all of your attention and still feel like it’s not enough. You might be doing the work of two people or just trying to hold on to your job, but exhausting your resources is not the answer.

So, what is the answer? In his book, “Beyond Success: Redefining the Meaning of Prosperity,” Jeffrey Gitterman presents attention as a currency that we can consciously spend and replenish.

Gitterman paints a familiar picture from his own life of what happens when we don’t do that. “You walk through the door to your wife and four kids, one being a newborn. Your wife has left her energy and attention on the playroom floor, drained by the constant demands of children. She is craving and expecting attention from you, just as you are craving and expecting it from her.… More

Do you let yourself, your partner fly?

The ideal partner can offer a safe place for you to reveal and heal your wounds; but he (or she) can’t do it for you. And even if he could, he wouldn’t! He trusts you too much to think he needs to; and he loves you too much not to let you fly. … More

You’re the only one who can keep you waiting!

Stop waiting for a knight in shining armor to rescue you. Ride off to meet him! By the time you find him, you won’t need him, but you’ll be ready for him. … More

Can you see love?

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Yes!

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What lurks behind your drama?

Is there somebody who always leaves you feeling better than he found you?

I used to live next door to such a person. Whenever I ran into Bob, whether it was for 20 seconds or 20 minutes, I’d later count our meeting among the high points of my day. It took me a while to figure out why.

Bob was a psychologist — still working, still playing tennis, still stimulating — in his 70s. And he had, with much practice, learned how to make everybody feel accepted: He accepted them.

It’s not as simple as it sounds, though. Bob didn’t use a blanket acceptance to cover everybody he encountered. He actually saw each individual for who they were. He saw through my clothes and flowers and the guys who picked me up on weekends to what was inside.

Isn’t that what we all want — to be known and accepted, to be loved as we are?

In fact, that’s the most valuable gift a parent can give a child. Sadly, many parents are so caught up in their own drama that they don’t really see their children for who they are.

In the academy award winning film “Ordinary People,” Mary Tyler Moore paints a poignant picture of this.… More