Most of us are smart enough not to go to a movie on a first date. We can get to know each other better while we eat in a quiet restaurant or walk through a park.

However, we seem to lose some of our smarts after we commit — and sit in front of the TV an average of 21 hours a week. And it’s not really three out of 24 hours; it’s closer to three out of the seven hours we have left after sleep and work.

You might be thinking, like this reader did, that you already know your partner:

“I didn’t think people really changed, but we’ve grown apart. It’s like we don’t know each other anymore.”

You can’t just get to know a sweetheart once and for all. People are always evolving, learning what works and what doesn’t, and learning more about themselves and what they truly want. Knowing each other is an ongoing process, made possible only by ongoing disclosure.

We list communication as one of the top two reasons for divorce — it reads like common knowledge. Yet we don’t take the time to communicate! Effective communication doesn’t just happen. Two people have to be interested and attentive … like two people wanting to get to know each other well enough to share a first kiss.… More

Loving ourselves allows us to truly love others.

When we know who we are, we know who others are. We all share the same essence. When we face our own brokenness, we can see brokenness in others, without defining them by it. There is neither pride nor shame. There is neither superiority nor inferiority.

Our essence is love. Our brokenness is a part of coming to know that.… More

Dear Friends,

When we struggle to squeeze in what we really want to do, it’s not because we lack time. It’s because we’ve filled our time with other things. And however good they might be, they are less worthy of our time.

Instead of struggling (that’s not a lot of fun), we can simply give priority to what we want. We can allocate time for what’s important to us—before we start filling it up with what comes along.

When we accomplish what’s most critical, we’re energized … and we can keep the momentum going. When we get distracted, we’re apt to feel like we can’t quite manage it all; we’re apt to struggle—instead of staying present and in the flow.

We can find joy in doing what we want to do. Why not? It is what we want to do. When we make it feel like work instead, it’s because we get off center. We get distracted. Maybe because we feel guilty, or worry about what somebody else wants or what somebody else will think. Maybe because we’re afraid we can’t pull it off, or we’ll have to live up to it if we do. The guilt, the worry, the fear are rooted in ego—not our true self.… More